Relationships: The Biggest Mystery of Them All

Most times we use horoscopes to identify our individual strengths, weaknesses, potential and limitations however there is much more that we can utilise astrology for. The area of relationships is one such area and in astrological language this study is called synastry. You have probably seen very simple attempts at sun sign comparisons that are supposed to indicate our compatibility with another. This is a primitive way of looking at potential relationships. The serious study of astrology acknowledges that there is much, much more to a person than their sun-sign and to consider them with less than the whole picture sells them short.

We experience many types of relationships in our daily lives: lover, friend, parent, child, teacher, mentor, coach, boss, colleague and business partner to mention a few. All of these relationships will differ in their purpose, duration, energy and quality. The way in which energy is connected and exchanged will define the purpose, duration and quality of the relationship. Understanding the purpose of a relationship is beneficial along with understanding the mechanics of how the relationship ‘works’. What is particularly useful is how to maximise the good stuff and make the challenging aspects work for us.

As previously identified there are many types of relationships however I find the majority of people are often only interested in how to get a partner or how they get along with their current love interest. In romantic relationships there, according to one of the masters of synastry, Sargent (1970, pg 13-18) there are two essential elements: attraction and endurability. Sargent defines attraction as drawn by some winning influence, charm allure, to entice, to win…if you are attracted to another person, you are interested, curious, have a friendly feeling and are disposed to look with favour on that person. [He states] you’ll pursue and encourage the acquaintanceship… [Then] we have the basis for romance. Naturally, attraction is the first step in a relationship. If there is no attraction most people won’t explore it further. Some relationships, whilst making us feel good are not destined for permanency; this is reflected in the horoscope. For the relationship to be considered long lasting another set of energy exchanges come into play. Very often these additional connections can be challenging yet they provide the basis for personal growth and relationship endurability.

In judging a Love/Marriage relationship chart there are no less than 26 possible connections that suggest attraction exists. Not all of these need to be present however the greater the number the more likely the attraction. Many people ask, ‘What type of person should I look for?’ Although not as simple as providing a sun sign like Gemini or Leo, the astrologer can quite accurately give comment on what the individual finds attractive and what they are looking for in a mate. Endurability requires other combinations and explains why we find some people very attractive yet the relationship never seems to get past first base! The following, adapted from Solar Fire: Esoteric Technologies program, provides the reader with an example of how energy is exchanged and compatibility determined:

Mary's Venus Trine Bill's Venus
This is an ideal combination for a love relationship, providing the spark for an instant attraction. Ancient astrologers considered the planet Venus to have most beneficial effects and this could be seen clearly in relationship astrology. Both Mary and Bill are attracted to each other, seeing the very best of themselves reflected in the other. They enjoy each other's company; making the most of their joint interests…This combination is most ideal for a long-lasting love relationship, indicating many years of happiness. It is also beneficial for a friendship in which both people can enjoy each other's company. Even so the friends need to respect other people's rights, otherwise there is a temptation for them to act like lovers when they are not, thus alienating their partners and other friends.

Mary's Venus Trine Bill's Mars
This is the ideal combination for a love union because it creates a strong sexual attraction and compatibility. Mary and Bill are likely to fall in love at first sight enjoying a passionate union, the type of love affair featured in romance novels. The durability of the relationship depends on other connections…

Mary's Venus Trine Bill's Saturn
The planet Saturn is an important ingredient in any committed relationship. This sombre planet can take away some of the short-term excitement of any union, but on a positive note it adds commitment and security needed for a long-term association. In other words Mary and Bill take this relationship seriously. They are devoted to each other and joyful in making promises that they are both able to keep. From the start of their association they enjoy taking their time getting to know each other, experiencing stability and understanding that grows slowly over time. They genuinely love each other and want to work towards a strong partnership…

Mary's Venus Opposition Bill's Neptune
This association of the planets Venus and Neptune indicates idyllic love. Mary and Bill meet and fall deeply in love, fully appreciating each other's unique qualities. Romance abounds. Together Mary and Bill feel that they have found true love such as only Romeo and Juliet and Daphnis and Chloe experienced. However, there are problems associated with this combination of planets…

Mary's Venus Trine Bill's Pluto
Intense emotions are central to this relationship. Mary and Bill feel a passionate attraction to each other, a compelling need to be together. Sexual magnetism plays an important role in the initial stages of the union and continues, even through times of emotional difficulties…

Mary's Venus Sextile Bill's Chiron
Together Mary and Bill have opportunities to heal the painful experiences of previous relationships and forge a strong and loving bond. This is an important union…

The above example provides the reader with a small sample of what an astrologer is able to interpret when given two birth charts which in this case suggests that these two people are potentially well suited: attraction is strong and there is evidence of endurability.

It is important to note that there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. Most relationships have their trouble spots. Most relationships no matter how good the endurance will go through times of testing and change. The relationship itself needs to grow and mature while enabling personl development of both individuals. It’s how we choose to deal with our differences and need for individual growth that test the endurance of the relationship. This may provide a simple explanation as to why something that seemed so perfect at one point in time is no longer so.

Some relationships come to us during particular influences and are not designed to be permanent. These are usually about teaching us something about ourselves. For example meeting under the influence of Uranus would suggest a relationship based on personal freedom. If you try to ‘normalise’ it, it won’t work! It will be instantaneous and exciting yet will not last unless the birth charts indicate compatibility. Pluto type relationships will probably have issues around manipulation and control and although be very transformative may not, over the long term, be healthy unless the horoscope show the capacity to deal with this powerful force constructively, if so there will be nothing this couple cannot accomplish. Each of the planets symbolise particular energy that permeates the relationship, either positively or negatively. Much is up to the intent, desire and capability of the individuals.

In relationship counselling, understanding the individual’s need of individuation and how that manifests within the relationship is very powerful as is understanding another person values and drives. The most powerful aspect to understanding relationships through astrologer’s eyes is the ability to ascertain if it is just a transient type of relationship that won’t last too long but may be fun and provide us with some type of learning. Or in the case of an established relationship is it a phase were going through? If so it is possible to build an effectives strategy to allow both relationship and individual growth. Provided that what those involved want.

As we do not live in a vacuum, it is worth understanding how relationships work from an astrological perspective as it can provide so much wisdom. The understanding it provides it has never failed me!

Want to Understand Your Relationship?

Accurately constructed horoscopes provide information for specific relationships. As the position and relationships of the Sun, Moon and Planets are important and will vary according to both birth charts it is recommended that you have both horoscope accurately constructed. Please contact Helen for more information.